so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
