i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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