clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
