If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
