And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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