its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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