sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
