Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
