Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
