A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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