apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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