I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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