Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
