I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
