She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
