sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
