She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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