I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
