It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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