in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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