Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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