Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
