he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Life without a bra equals bliss.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
