Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
