DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
