Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
