Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
