saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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