im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
