come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
3 2 1 whiskey
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
