I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
