Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I lost the right to judge tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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