so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
