Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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