i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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