carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
