I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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