No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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