I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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