uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
