god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
