They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
