there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
