Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
