Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
as a side note pls kill me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
