Soap is not a condiment
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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