I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
