It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
