tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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