They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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