is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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