Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
