My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
