i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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