he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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