you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
