I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
