I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
