We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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