you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
