wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
