eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
