What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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