I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
