I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
