Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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