oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you never un-have a 4some
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
