Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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