I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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